Weekly-Squat™ Edition: Traditional-Deece Ants On A Dog

Remember when mom made this for you?


Ingredients
1 hot dog
A couple raisins
1 or 2 white-chocolate chips
1 Tbl peanut-butter

Utensils
1 white plate
1 fork
1 knife

Preparation
On 1 white plate, spread 1 Tbl. peanut-butter over 1 hot dog with 1 knife. Stick A couple raisins in the 1 Tbl. peanut-butter, interspersed with 1 or 2 white-chocolate chips. Cut with 1 fork. Tell the Squat boys.

Rating: Deecetasteful

Hiatus-Schmatus-Deece Root Beer Float

Check out all that waste. Dirty world, dirty consciences. 

Just 'cause we're slow and dirty…


Ingredients
8 oz root beer
4 oz vanilla ice cream*


Utensils
1 brown cup
1 spoon

Preparation
Fill 1 brown cup with 8 oz root beer. Add 4 oz vanilla ice cream. Stir it with a spoon, and watch that spume. Drink it. Cool! We're not dead yet! Yeah!

*Try it with soy yogurt if no ice cream is available. Don't pretend you aren't gross enough.












Rating: Deecent

Lonely-Deece Submission

Give up.






























GIVE UP.

Lonely-Deece Pretense of Companionship

 Don't go to the trouble of stir-frying. Everyone is going to know it's a sham.

Ingredients
1 whatever entree is being served at the Home Station*
1 whatever side is being served at the Home Station*
1 whatever vegetable is being served at the Home Station*
8 oz water
1 extra backpack
1 extra jacket
1 extra scarf
4 papers
2 books

Utensils
1 white plate
1 clear cup
1 fork
1 knife

Preparation
Get whatever they're serving at the Home Station (1 entree, 1 side, 1 vegetable) and put it on 1 white plate. Fill 1 clear cup with 8 oz water. Go to the nearest trash can and dump out 6 oz water and scrape away half of everything on the white plate with 1 fork and 1 knife. Find a table, and place 1 extra scarf and 1 extra jacket on it. Spread 2 books and 4 papers on the table in front of the jacket. Place the white plate, the clear cup, the fork, and the knife on top of and around the book and papers. It looks like somebody loves you. Sit across from this Lonely-Deece Pretense of Companionship. Is there anyone for us?

Happy Valentine's Day.†

*Can be substituted for things from the Vegan Station, the Grill Station, or Just 4 U, depending on what sort of lover you imagine you'd like to have. Just please, don't waste your time on stir fry. This is sad enough.
†There may be a more obvious link from The Wedding Singer, but then… it hurts, today. Today especially.

Rating: Deeceappointed, Deecepondent, Deecestressed, Deeceatisfed… what? No, you! Not the recipe.

Brunch-Deece Corn Pancakes

Ingredients
4 tablespoons waffle batter
2 handfuls yellow corn
2 pats butter
1 tablespoons "maple" syrup

Utensils
1 spatula
1 frying pan
1 grill-station
1 white plate
1 knife
1 fork

Preparation
Melt and spread 1 pat butter in 1 frying pan on medium heat on 1 grill-station. Pour 2 tablespoons of waffle batter into the pan. Sprinkle 1 handful of corn on the forming pancake. Trust me on this one. When the forming pancake is sufficiently cratered, flip it with the spatula. Remove from heat when done, and place on 1 white plate. Repeat process using remaining butter, batter, and corn. Drizzle this pair 'o' pancakes with 1 tablespoon "maple" syrup. Sad Breakfast.

 Rating: Deecequalified. This is literally the same pancake recipe, + corn.

South-of-the-Border-Deece Manzanas Fritas con Canela

That is, Los Fried Apples con Cinnamon


Ingredients
2 apples, sliced
3 tablespoons cinnamon
1 tablespoon cloves
8 pats butter

Utensils
1 fork
1 knife
1 frying pan
1 grill-station
1 white plate
1 spatula

Preparation
Melt 8 pats butter in 1 frying pan on 1 grill-station on medium heat. Slice 2 apples and add to butter. Add 3 tablespoons cinnamon and 1 tablespoon cloves. Stir, stir, stir. CAN YOU TELL WE'RE GETTING FUCKING SICK OF THIS BLOG?! Bite it, you scum.

Rating: Deecent; like you fucking care.

Occult-Deece Toad-In-A-Hole

Ingredients
1 egg
1 slice wheat bread
2 pats butter

Utensils
1 frying pan
1 grill-station
1 spatula*
1 white bowl
1 white plate
1 fork
1 knife

Preparation
Witches have toad familiars. Take 1 slice wheat bread, and cut 1 2" diameter whole in the bread. Eat the cut-out. Place 1 frying pan on 1 grill station and melt'n'spread 2 pats butter on medium heat. Crack 1 egg slightly, and pour the egg white into 1 white bowl. Leave the yolk inside the egg, and set it aside, with the crack facing up. Place the wheat bread inside the frying pan, and pour the egg yolk into the hole. Pour the egg white over the wheat bread. Flip the wheat bread with the spatula†. This is called a toad in a hole. Occult-Deece Toad-In-A-Hole. Toads, toads, toads. Egg toads? Place it on 1 white plate, cut and eat with 1 knife and 1 fork. Hail Satan. @Spraytan666, hit us up. And here's looking at you, Moonstruck.

*Yeahh.
†You know, yeahhh.