Lonely-Deece Pretense of Companionship

 Don't go to the trouble of stir-frying. Everyone is going to know it's a sham.

Ingredients
1 whatever entree is being served at the Home Station*
1 whatever side is being served at the Home Station*
1 whatever vegetable is being served at the Home Station*
8 oz water
1 extra backpack
1 extra jacket
1 extra scarf
4 papers
2 books

Utensils
1 white plate
1 clear cup
1 fork
1 knife

Preparation
Get whatever they're serving at the Home Station (1 entree, 1 side, 1 vegetable) and put it on 1 white plate. Fill 1 clear cup with 8 oz water. Go to the nearest trash can and dump out 6 oz water and scrape away half of everything on the white plate with 1 fork and 1 knife. Find a table, and place 1 extra scarf and 1 extra jacket on it. Spread 2 books and 4 papers on the table in front of the jacket. Place the white plate, the clear cup, the fork, and the knife on top of and around the book and papers. It looks like somebody loves you. Sit across from this Lonely-Deece Pretense of Companionship. Is there anyone for us?

Happy Valentine's Day.†

*Can be substituted for things from the Vegan Station, the Grill Station, or Just 4 U, depending on what sort of lover you imagine you'd like to have. Just please, don't waste your time on stir fry. This is sad enough.
†There may be a more obvious link from The Wedding Singer, but then… it hurts, today. Today especially.

Rating: Deeceappointed, Deecepondent, Deecestressed, Deeceatisfed… what? No, you! Not the recipe.