Drunk-Deece Beer 'n' Tofu Scramble w/ Spinach Salad

Dish-intensive

Ingredients

1-4 40 oz Colt 45 or King Cobra malt beverages*

1 can Pabst Blue Ribbon beer*

15-18 squares tofu

1 dash cumin or tumeric

1½ tablespoons olive oil†

1 handful spinach

1 tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette†

Utensils

2 white bowls

1 fork

1 frying pan††

1 grill station

1 ill-shaped stir-fry spoon†††

1 green plate

Preparation

Drink 1-4 40 oz Colt 45 or King Cobra malt beverages. Walk to the Deece. Crack open 1 can Pabst Blue Ribbon. Pour 1 oz Pabst Blue Ribbon beer into 1 white bowl. Leave the remaining Pabst Blue Ribbon at your table, and head to the stir-fry counter. Mash 15-18 squares tofu in another white bowl with 1 fork, and drink or drain the tofu-water. Mix the mashed tofu with 1 dash cumin or tumeric. Drizzle a very small amount of the 1 oz Pabst Blue Ribbon beer over the mashed tofu mixture. Pour 1 tablespoon olive oil into 1 frying pan, and place on medium heat on 1 grill-station. When olive-oil is heated—but not smoking—scoop the mashed tofu mixture into the frying pan with 1 ill-shaped stir-fry spoon. Stir to avoid burning with the ill-shaped stir-fry spoon. Your delicious Drunk-Deece Beer 'n' Tofu Scramble is ready to eat as soon as it is hot, but it may taste even better golden-brown (char it black if you want; you won't remember this meal). Scoop the Drunk-Deece Beer 'n' Tofu Scramble onto 1 green plate (golden-brown looks best on a green plate), and place 1 handful spinach next to it. In the white bowl, mix the remainder of the 1 oz Pabst Blue Ribbon beer with ½ tablespoon olive oil and 1 tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette. Stir well, and pour over the handful spinach. Eat your Drunk-Deece Beer 'n' Tofu Scramble and drink the remainder of the can Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Go to bed on the re-appropriated UpC couches.

*Bring it with you, drangus.

†I know, I know—there are no measuring spoons in the Deece.

††Make sure it is flat-handled; any other pan may not work with the grill-station.

†††Seriously, what the fuck?

Rating: Deecent