Phat-Deece Brownie Surprise

Ingredients:

One Deece Brownie

Liberal squirt of caramel (from waffle station)

Gentle drizzle of chocolate sauce (from waffle station)

Delightful sprinkling of powdered sugar (from waffle station)

Preparation:

-Take one brownie. Cover it with just a little bit more caramel than you think is wise.

-Add a drizzle of chocolate sauce for good measure.

-Heat this combination in the microwave for approximately 23 seconds.

-Remove from microwave and add the sprinkling of powdered sugar, as though it were sugary-sugary snow, peppering the plate as the snow alights atop the agéd buildings of Vassar college. Or as though it were fake snow, gently covering your chocolate brownie.

-Feel free to further dress your brownie surprise with peanut butter or fruit if you see fit. You could even add some of that sunflower seed butter that they keep in packets at the Peace of Mind Zone...you know, the ones that contain too much for one piece of toast, but you can't reseal them? Use the rest on your brownie!

-Bite into this chocolatey sugary-beyond-sugary Deecert and enjoy!

Rating: Deecestructive (Choco-chocoDeecey)

Phat-Deece "Maple"-Syrup Deep-Fried Maple-Frosted Doughnut

Potential for mutilation and/or reprisals

Ingredients

1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut

2 tablespoon waffle batter

1 oz skim milk

1 tablespoon "maple" syrup

1 sprinkling powdered sugar

6 tablespoons vegetable oil

Utensils

2 white bowl

1 grill-station

1 deep frying-pan*

1 ill-shaped stir fry spoon†

1 fork

1 spoon

Preparation

Mix 2 tablespoons waffle batter and 1 oz skim milk in 1 white bowl with 1 spoon. Heat 6 tablespoons vegetable oil in 1 deep frying-pan on 1 grill-station. If you heat it very long, the oil is going to spit all over the place and pop and everyone is going to look at you. Heat the oil on highest setting. Maybe test some of the waffle-batter-and-skim-milk mixture (hereafter, "batter") in it to see if it's ready. If it is, grab 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut, slather it in batter, and drop it in the pan. Drip batter into the center; scrape and drizzle; yeah, yeah—you're a fucking mess. Flip and repeat. Remove from heat and place in another white bowl. Chill by the pan until the oil has cooled a little, then pour it into the batter bowl (save dishes; be kind to service staff). Put the deep frying-pan on the frying-pan cart. Take the 2 white bowls, and walk away quickly. Drizzle 1 tablespoon "maple" syrup—and sprinkle 1 sprinkling powdered sugar—onto your Deep-Fried Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut. Allow to cool (or don't), and enjoy your Phat-Deece "Maple"-Syrup Deep-Fried Maple-Frosted Doughnut. And no, I don't know what you should do with the oil. Tupperware/wrestling?

*Like that'll work on any of the grill-stations...

†There's this one triangular spatula. Try to get that instead.

Rating: Deeceaster, but oh-so-Deecelicious

Phat-Deece Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Jelly Doughnuts

Ingredients

1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut

2 spoonfuls Deece jelly, jam, or preserves

Utensils

1 butter-knife

1 spoon

1 white plate
1 fork

Preparation

Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnuts are thick and hardy, and perfect for this recipe: cut 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut in half with a butter-knife.* Carve out a canal—about ¼" deep and 3/8" wide—in 1 half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut. Take two spoonfuls of Deece jelly, jam, or preserves, and fill in the canal so that the jam is deeper than the canal by about ¼". Place this filled half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut on the white plate, canal-side up. Take the other half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut and repeat the canal-carving process. Take this second half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut and place it firmly on top of the first half, canal-side down. Try not to allow any of the Deece jelly, jam, or preserves to leak out of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut. Place the white plate in the microwave and heat for 45 seconds. Take out, allow to cool for approximately 2-4 minutes, and enjoy your very own jelly-filled, Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut.

For an interesting twist on this classic recipe, try substituting 2 spoonfuls of Deece custard for the 2 spoonfuls of Deece jelly, jam, or preserves—or try substituting 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Chocolate-Frosted Doughnut, 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut, or 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Cinnamon Doughnut for the 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut.

*The outside of a Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut is not at all thus. In fact it will crumble all the fuck over the place. Stuff it in the center hole at the end. Honestly, it's impossible to dig a good canal anyway. Eat this shit with a fork. It tastes delicious.

Rating: Deecelicious