Lazy-Deece Cereal Fiesta

Ingredients:

All six cereals

Milk of your choice (pick whole! No, chocolate!)

Dusting of powdered sugar

Preparation:

Fill your Deece bowl with one twist from each of the six cereal Deecespensers.

Add milk of your choosing and dust with a little powdered sugar!

The sheer funness of this dinner (must be eaten for dinner) will send you over the moon! Your mouth won't know what to think, but it doesn't have to worry because it's a mouth, and mouthes are for chewing, and tasting, and swallowing, and also for talking and kissing...but not thinking, and only sometimes tongue rings (if you are scary spice).

Rating: Deecelicious!

Obvious...but have you ever actually tried it?

Sloppy-Deece Pasta

Ingredients:

1 scoop Deece Sloppy Joe mix

Broccoli (from the stir fry station)

Zucchini (from the stir fry station)

A little onion (from the stir fry station) would be delightful here

A little marinara (from the stir fry station)

Noodles of your choosing (...from the stir fry station. Or Peace of Mind Zone fridge)

Preparation:

-saute the veggies in a little olive oil until tender yet crisp

-add the Sloppy Joe and marinara sauce and stir in with veggies, coating them on all sides, like a lover giving you a baby oil massage, or a big coat.

-toss in the noodles and cook until they are warmed through

-serve it up on a clean white plate (if you can possibly find one)

Rating: Deecelicious!

Pre-School-Deece Snack Time

Sometimes we feel like mature intellectuals who discuss gender binaries and the ambiguous status of the "middle class" within communist worldview. Sometimes we feel like sassy bitches and sexy thugs cruising for hotties at the latest mediocre dance event. Sometimes we feel like ripping our hair out in the library. And sometimes we just feel like we're four years old again.

Here are some recipes to create the perfect pre-school snack time for when you long for a simpler time.

Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich

Ingredients:

2 slices of white bread **

1/2 banana sliced into small rounds

2 generous spoonfuls of peanut butter

-spread the peanut butter over one side of each piece of bread

-place the banana slices across the peanut buttered surface of one slice

-cover with the second slice

-cut off all the crusts

** can be substituted for whole wheat if you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a kid

Ants-On-A-Log

Ingredients:

2 pieces of celery

2 spoonfuls of peanut butter

8 raisins

-remove some of the annoying stringy stuff from the celery slices

-fill the center of each slice to the brim with peanut butter

-place four raisins across the peanut butter on each piece

Smiley Face Pancake

Ingredients:

1 cup of deece waffle batter

butter to cook with

an obscene amount of syrup that you later regret drenching your plate with

-in a frying pan at the stir fry station, melt a little butter

-pour in two small medallions of batter and one large circle

-cook until bubbles appear in the center of batter, then flip

-remove from pan

-pour remaining batter in a curved streak across the pan, cook as above

-place the two small medallions and the streak as the eyes and mouth upon the larger ‘face’ pancake

-smother with syrup and enjoy!

Serve all these with a glass of deece apple juice (watered down to reduce chances of sugar-induced hyper-ness)

Should be enjoyed with a friend who makes you feel like a kid again

Rating: Deecelicious, Deecelightful!

The Deece-Didn't-Make-Curry-The-One-Time-I-Wanted-Curry Stir-Fry

Ingredients:

2 generous sprinkles of yellow curry

1 shake of onion powder

1 dash of smoked paprika

1 generous pinch of season salt

1 splash of Deece cooking Burgundy Wine (actually available in the deece near you)

1 drizzle of balsamic vinegar

1 small spoonful of minced garlic

enough olive oil to keep things stir-frying (not burn-frying)

onions

zucchini

broccoli (broken into small pieces)

carrots

2 heaping spoonfuls of rice noodles

• *feel free to add any other veggies you desire*

Preparation:

After a long exhausting day of procrastination, you are saddened when you realize that, once again, there is nothing you can eat (or at least nothing you would ever want to eat) at the Deece today. (starting a sentence with)But just as you are about to feel defeated, you remember the stir fry station. This super tastey** easier-than-it-looks recipe will spice up your life!

-first heat some olive oil in a skillet on medium-high heat

-add onions, zucchini, broccoli

-add sauces and spices to taste, allowing the wine and balsamic to simmer down to a nice reduction

-when veggies are tender, quickly add in the noodles and toss just until warm (you don't want them to become soggy)

-plate and enjoy!

**spelled the fergalicious way

Phat-Deece "Maple"-Syrup Deep-Fried Maple-Frosted Doughnut

Potential for mutilation and/or reprisals

Ingredients

1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut

2 tablespoon waffle batter

1 oz skim milk

1 tablespoon "maple" syrup

1 sprinkling powdered sugar

6 tablespoons vegetable oil

Utensils

2 white bowl

1 grill-station

1 deep frying-pan*

1 ill-shaped stir fry spoon†

1 fork

1 spoon

Preparation

Mix 2 tablespoons waffle batter and 1 oz skim milk in 1 white bowl with 1 spoon. Heat 6 tablespoons vegetable oil in 1 deep frying-pan on 1 grill-station. If you heat it very long, the oil is going to spit all over the place and pop and everyone is going to look at you. Heat the oil on highest setting. Maybe test some of the waffle-batter-and-skim-milk mixture (hereafter, "batter") in it to see if it's ready. If it is, grab 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut, slather it in batter, and drop it in the pan. Drip batter into the center; scrape and drizzle; yeah, yeah—you're a fucking mess. Flip and repeat. Remove from heat and place in another white bowl. Chill by the pan until the oil has cooled a little, then pour it into the batter bowl (save dishes; be kind to service staff). Put the deep frying-pan on the frying-pan cart. Take the 2 white bowls, and walk away quickly. Drizzle 1 tablespoon "maple" syrup—and sprinkle 1 sprinkling powdered sugar—onto your Deep-Fried Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut. Allow to cool (or don't), and enjoy your Phat-Deece "Maple"-Syrup Deep-Fried Maple-Frosted Doughnut. And no, I don't know what you should do with the oil. Tupperware/wrestling?

*Like that'll work on any of the grill-stations...

†There's this one triangular spatula. Try to get that instead.

Rating: Deeceaster, but oh-so-Deecelicious

Phat-Deece Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Jelly Doughnuts

Ingredients

1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut

2 spoonfuls Deece jelly, jam, or preserves

Utensils

1 butter-knife

1 spoon

1 white plate
1 fork

Preparation

Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnuts are thick and hardy, and perfect for this recipe: cut 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut in half with a butter-knife.* Carve out a canal—about ¼" deep and 3/8" wide—in 1 half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut. Take two spoonfuls of Deece jelly, jam, or preserves, and fill in the canal so that the jam is deeper than the canal by about ¼". Place this filled half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut on the white plate, canal-side up. Take the other half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut and repeat the canal-carving process. Take this second half of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut and place it firmly on top of the first half, canal-side down. Try not to allow any of the Deece jelly, jam, or preserves to leak out of the Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut. Place the white plate in the microwave and heat for 45 seconds. Take out, allow to cool for approximately 2-4 minutes, and enjoy your very own jelly-filled, Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut.

For an interesting twist on this classic recipe, try substituting 2 spoonfuls of Deece custard for the 2 spoonfuls of Deece jelly, jam, or preserves—or try substituting 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Chocolate-Frosted Doughnut, 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Maple-Frosted Doughnut, or 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Cinnamon Doughnut for the 1 Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut.

*The outside of a Glutino Gluten-Free Vanilla-Frosted Doughnut is not at all thus. In fact it will crumble all the fuck over the place. Stuff it in the center hole at the end. Honestly, it's impossible to dig a good canal anyway. Eat this shit with a fork. It tastes delicious.

Rating: Deecelicious